pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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