I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
