I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I see more hoeing in ur future
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