I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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