The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
