You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
