if you like me you must not know who I am
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
