he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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