Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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