Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
