I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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