So drunk, too bad you don't want this
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
