The maid of honor just puked.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
