there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize