That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My penis needs a shock collar
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
