The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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