some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
