Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
