Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
