I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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