Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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