I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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