he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
