I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
