why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize