You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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