I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
