i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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