i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
