My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
