Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
