I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
