i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
