the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize