just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
