i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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