I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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