We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
