i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
