I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
