Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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