Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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