I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so let's talk penis.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
