No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
