She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
