ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he was CRYING into my vagina
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize