Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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