you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
