The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
