Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
