Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
