Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
