dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
