The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
