Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
