So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
