Whod you bang
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
FUCK WHALES
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
