matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
