sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
