i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
