I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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