I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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