He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
