I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
