she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize