I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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