I CAN MOONWALK!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
