maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
