I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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