hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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