I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
