My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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