I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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