This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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