He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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