somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize