dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
