Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
