I hate your face
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
