So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
