Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
