I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
