get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
