Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
