How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize