I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
